March 9, 2025: “Living a Life of Commitment”

Rev. Susan Frederick-Gray

Has commitment gone out of fashion? It’s clear that trends in membership, marriage, and all kinds of joining are changing. What does it mean to live a life of commitment in a time when that seems radical?

Click the following link to watch Ruth Chang's Ted Talk titled, "How to make hard choices." https://www.ted.com/talks/ruth_chang_how_to_make_hard_choices

View the video archive of this service here:

Sermon Text

Living a Life of Commitment

Rev. Susan Frederick-Gray

UU Church of Bloomington

March 9, 2025

READING

We continue our exploration of Commitment this month and our readings offer reflections on the power of commitment.

The German poet, writer and playwright of the early 19th century, Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe wrote, “At the moment of commitment the entire universe conspires to assist you.”

Drawing inspiration from Goethe, the 20th century Scottish writer and mountaineer, William Hutchison Murray, wrote in his book The Scottish Himalayan Expedition:

“Until one is committed, there is always hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising to one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no one could have dreamed would come his way.”

Murray continues, “I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets:

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.”

SERMON Living a Life of Commitment

When my now husband and I first sat down with the minister who was going to marry us, he said that in getting married, we were doing something radical. Radical because fewer and fewer people these days were intentionally making life-long commitments.

A host of studies, articles and books have been commenting on the decline of commitment, particularly among young people and not just with respect to marriage, but a host of ways people make commitments. So, what might be going on?

Some psychologists have wondered whether the focus in contemporary society on elevating choice – particularly with the strong influences of capitalism and individualism – has led to a reduction in commitment; and alongside it an increase in anxiety.

In our reading, William Hutchinson Murray, writes: “Until one is committed, there is always hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. [but] at the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too.” With this idea he is echoing Goethe reflection that “At the moment of commitment the entire universe conspires to assist you.”

I love the power and the magic of this idea – that once you make a commitment that Providence (which refers to power of God or creation) and the universe conspire to help you – like wind at your back. Yet, I also have a natural skepticism to the framing of a
supernatural power swooping in to help once we have made a commitment. Life is not always that simple.

In talking about marriage and its challenges with a therapist and the fears and doubts that accompany commitment, she had a slightly different take. She said commitment isn’t a one-time decision, but rather a journey. Particularly with lifelong commitments like marriage, she found that the journey moves through stages. There is the choice to commit, but there can also be stages of doubt and uncertainty, and from that we have the choice again, to commit. I appreciate this recognition that commitment isn’t just one and done – we can and do experience doubt and uncertainty and change over the course of our lives and even within the commitments we make. And that the power of commitment is not rooted in obligation, but in choice – and choosing commitment to a relationship, to a cause, to a community again and again.

This framing of commitment as a journey also recognizes the reality that sometimes, we can’t commit again – or not in the same way we did before. For anything that requires deep and sustained commitment, isn’t easy and there will be times when we may doubt and second guess, or times when we have to make a change, but that doesn’t necessarily mean we’ve made the wrong choice, it is just a part of the journey of life and of change.

And yet, even as commitment is challenging, it can also be incredibly liberating and freeing. Does this feel counterintuitive? To think of commitment – dedicating yourself or your life to something as inherently freeing? How is this so?

Well, one of the challenges of our lives these days are the endless array of choices we have. And choices actually create anxiety, because they create uncertainty. However, when we commit to something, then alternative choices fall away and this is freeing! Once we commit, we can focus all of our energy and attention and gifts not on making the choice, but on living into the commitment. I suspect this is some of the magic and power that Goethe and Murray are describing when they speak of the universe conspiring with you once you make a commitment.

I observed this kind of change during my son’s senior year of high school. The year began with so much anxiety among the students and their parents. Huge questions about the future loomed. College or vocational school or gap year? Which colleges to apply to and which ones to attend? It is a lot of for young people. But once decisions were made, we could feel the anxiety dissipate.

And, there is another source of anxiety impacting our young people – and our elders – and people at all stages of life (but I think we can feel it sometimes most in the young people). And that is the question of what the future will be like. Will there be opportunities for them as previous generations have imagine. What will the climate and environment be like. We are witness among some young people the real feeling of the existential challenges before them.

There is a growing important critique that the elevation of choice – as some immutable value; particularly as it is framed as individualism and capitalism – is distracting us from important of social and societal choices. And that the emphasis on individual choice
actually has this shadow side of make societal choices that we don’t account for.

Public education is a great example. Many laud the importance of school choice – and redirecting funding from public schools to follow kids and their choices. But this language of the choice hides the reality that to have choice means a certain level of privilege – economic to have one’s own transportation, privilege of living in a city where there are multiple schools to choose from, and often being neurotypical and without disabilities that might prevent a private or charter school from accepting you. And in favoring individual choice – the unspoken affect is defunding of public education – a societal choice that gets made but unspoken due to an emphasis on individual choice.

And this is why – reclaiming the practices and values of commitment matter. Because commitment is about long term investment, long term fidelity to our values and that clarity can actually help us make better choices – not just in our personal lives, but in society. For we put values – rather than individual preference at the forefront.

There is a great Ted talk from philosopher Ruth Chang that talks about how to make hard choices. And the premise she starts off with is that hard choices are hard because there is no clear best right answer between the choices. If there was clearly a better choice – we would take it. That would be an easy decision. What makes choices hard is that one option is better in some ways; another option is better in other ways. Chang lists a host of hard choices that are big and momentous things like choosing between career paths, choosing between marriage or ending a relationship, deciding about having children, deciding where to live.

When we have hard decisions to make; she reminds us they are not hard because we are not good enough or smart enough to figure them. They are hard because among the choices, there is not a clear best choice. And therefore, she invites us to change our perspective. Instead of trying to make the decision based on pro/con lists, or wringing our hands trying to figure out which is best; she invites use to move back and consider our values and what matters most to us. And in these situations of hard choices, she says, we actually have an incredible power – for we have the power to “become authors of our own lives.”

This is so insightful. It calls us to deeper contemplation, to listen to what is of value to us, what matters to us, what commitments we hold dear – values like friendship, family, love, justice, equity, creativity, diversity, community. Now, this doesn’t always make decisions easy – but it reminds us that in making hard choices – we are getting to define our lives according to our values. And this is a gift. For this helps us not drift from thing to thing – or live constantly just reacting to the people and things around us, but to find our own center – our own source of strength and being.

If we could practice this as a society, it could improve our decision making. If we would define our goals, our core values first and then ask how we make choices as a whole that reflect these values. Because commitment makes things happen – whether for good or for bad. Consider those who follow the adage “Go fast, break things” – that reflects a certain set of values. Alternatively, Anne Morriss – a woman Leadership and Management Coach teaches a different adage – “Go Fast and Fix Things.” f

This reminds me of the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, the great American writer,
transcendentalist, writes,

A person will worship something —have no doubt about that.

We may think our tribute is paid in

Secret in the dark recesses of our hearts —but it will out.

That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts
will determine our lives, and character.

Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship,
for what we are worshipping, we are becoming.

In the midst of this maelstrom we are living through in our country and global world, where there are assaults on our values and communities coming from so many directions, we might ask where is the best place to put our energy? In fact, I am reminded of someone who asked me once – with all of the important issues that need attention; how does one choose?

This is a hard choice – where to put our resources, our time, our skills – especially when these are precious and not unlimited.

It is important to remember that we cannot do everything, and there is no one “right” best answer. As a UU congregation, we do have the resources to work on several fronts – but our capacity is not unlimited either. And as individuals too, it not about choosing the best issue, but listening for what organization, what issue – what people – calls to your heart, and commit yourself there. Some of us have capacity individually to work on a few issues – some have much less. That is okay. Know that others can be committed elsewhere.

It is too easy to fall into inaction by being overwhelmed by the choices and indecision. Or being ineffective by trying to focus in too many areas. Follow your passion and make a commitment. That will help focus and strengthen the impact of each of our efforts. And if it ends up being wrong for you – like you feel you made a commitment to something that was not a good fit for your skills – make a change; and commit again.

The point is – the so what of this it – it matters that we know what we value, what we love, what we are committed to – because that ends up shaping who we are and our lives and what we can do together.

May we continue to hold at our center – a commitment to love, to justice, to peace, to equity, to diversity, to compassion. May we be bold and clear in our commitments and our dreams and keep working for them in the small and large ways before us.

For as Margaret Mead writes,

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”

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