Chalice Circle Meetings
Size
Chalice Circles consist of seven to ten people, large enough to promote group interaction, but small enough to allow intimacy and equal participation. Groups are always open to new members as long as the group has no more than ten people.
Elements of a Chalice Circle Gathering
Each Chalice Circle session plan is designed to permit us to connect with one another more deeply and to focus on the topic of the meeting. The format always includes:
- Opening Words and Chalice Lighting
- Check-in
- Focus of the Meeting
- Check-out
- Closing Words and Extinguishing the Chalice
Covenant
Making connection with others is easier when we understand how they would like to be treated. During the first few meetings of a Chalice Circle, members will develop a covenant — a list of ground rules — that define the ways they commit to interact with one another. Members can also contribute to the ongoing activities of the group: choosing the readings, hosting the gatherings, and reminding members of meeting time and places. Having clear expectations for communication and shared responsibility for group activities ensures that all members benefit from the Chalice Circle experience.
Focus or Content for Chalice Circles
The focus of each meeting is a topic that serves as a springboard into reflection on deeper issues of who we are and what gives our lives meaning. However, the focus of a Chalice Circle is always secondary to opportunities for deepening relationships among group members.
Shared Ministry
Chalice Circles encourage attentive listening, rational thought, empathy, and compassion — knowing others more deeply and with consideration. The positive qualities developed by group members will spread into the wider congregation and community as group members engage with others with their new-found skills.
Meeting Times and Places
Each group meets often enough for group members to create meaningful connections: at least once a month; twice a month is strongly encouraged. Groups meet for about two hours, long enough to follow the format and engage in deep listening. Groups normally meet in members’ homes. By sharing our homes with others, we share our stories and a little bit about who we are. However, since some groups may have special needs, church space is also occasionally available as a meeting place.
Testimonial, Angela Lexmond
The idea of Chalice Circles had an immediate appeal for me. I'm an extrovert. I find being with people energizing. What could be better than talking with a nice group of UUs for a few hours? What I quickly learned was that "deep listening" was going to put my extroverted nature to the test. While I’m perfectly comfortable sharing my thoughts and feelings with others in a group setting, bringing my running commentary about the thoughts and feelings shared by others to an abrupt halt proved to be the real challenge. What do they mean, "deep listening"? Does that make the attentive listening I do every day, "shallow listening"? Well, yes, in fact it does. I DO listen to others. I look them in the eyes, I try not to interrupt, I offer empathic nods and nonverbal sounds…. But then I answer. I comment. I suggest. I recommend. I ask questions. I relay my similar experiences. This is the part of my usual behaviors that needed a little retraining. This extrovert had to learn to hold her tongue. Just listen to what others had to say and sit with it. And be with it. And wonder with it. I had no choice. It was part of our covenant.
"Deep Listening." I tried really hard. Sometimes I was successful and discovered that it helped me to come to realizations that I didn't know were just around the corner but somehow out of reach for me. Sometimes I was less successful, as evidenced by my track record of informing my Chalice Circle that this or that session reminded me of a particular song. But to my credit… it was always they who insisted that I actually sing the song… to which I readily complied. But even with musical interludes aside, my Chalice Circle tolerated the notion that I was a "deep listener" in training… because we all were on some level.
Our Chalice Circle only met once a month… and each time our meeting night came around I would think, "oh what a hassle… I really don't have time for this…" then I'd rush, rush, rush to get my kids organized and arrive on time. But invariably, by the time we finished, I felt refreshed, reflective, connected and content. I was so appreciative for that group of people and my opportunity to be with them. Our service projects were fun and meaningful, and I love to look across this crowded church and see the faces of my Chalice peeps. It takes me out of my usual circle of families with young children and launches me further into my church community. I really loved my Chalice Circle. I encourage you to give it a try. And remember, each circle maintains an open chair anticipating that you might fill it when you are ready. "Deep Listening." It's really good for you.
Testimonial, Alan Backler
Unlike Angela, who spoke to you about Chalice Circles earlier, I am not an extravert. In fact, I may be a certifiable introvert. So, you can imagine my discomfort when I joined a Chalice Group last year. Before they started, I knew I wouldn't like having to introduce myself to other people and sharing my ideas, I wouldn't like listening "deeply" to the other people in the group, I wouldn't like dealing with those Chalice questions, or with the readings. I knew I would not like anything about the groups. Besides my wife Barb make me join! The whole thing was really annoying!
I was wrong on all counts. The change began when our group developed our behavioral covenant—an agreement created by the group members answering questions such as: How much time will each person get to speak? Shall we agree not to interrupt the person speaking? And shall we discourage advice giving? What we created was a statement of mutual respect and responsibility—and that made me much more comfortable being in the group.
I found myself looking forward to listening to others and learning about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. I also found myself learning about myself and what I was thinking and feeling as a question was posed by the facilitator or another person's comments stimulated me to look within myself. When we were sharing about people who inspire us, for example, I realized what an important role model my dad was for me and how he influences my behavior, even 35 years after his death. And then, the most amazing part, I found myself being able to share my thoughts with the other members of the group, and feeling comfortable about doing it. My wife kept saying that she was learning things about me in the Chalice Circle that she never knew.
Each Chalice Group agrees to participate in two service projects—one for the church and one for the community. Identifying, planning, and doing these activities added a whole new dimension to the Chalice Circle experience. It took us out of ourselves. After weeks of developing a small, close-knit community within the circle, it requires us to think about and act on the needs of the church community and the larger community. That's incremental community building. It was great!
We always kept one empty chair in our circle. I found that appealing since it reminded me of how we used to set an extra place at the Passover table for a hoped-for, honored guest—Elijah Ha-Novi, Elijah the Prophet It is somewhat similar for Chalice Circles. The empty chair is intended to remind us that there are others who need what we found there. I therefore encourage you, based on my experience as a now recovering introvert, to come and fill that empty chair. Thank you.
Examples of Available Session Plans
- Getting to Know You
- Sharing Our History
- Gratitude as a Spiritual Practice
- Asking for Help
- Being Alone
- Exploring Gandhi's Non-Violence
- Forgiveness
- Giving and Receiving Joy
- If You Could Invite 3 People…
- Making Peace with Unhappiness
- Once Upon a Time
- Our Misbehaviors
- Our Place in Nature
- Prayer
- Priorities
- Procrastination
- Questions at the End of the Day Part I
- Radical Hospitality
- Spiritual Experiences
- Terror and War
- Those Who Have Touched Our Lives
- Truth
- What Part Do Traditions Play in Your Beliefs
- Saying Goodbye
